small vs big

Well, it's been so long since I've made a post, it seems as if whatever I say ought to be very important.. well, it's not.. I'm struggling a bit and what I have to say seems rather unimportant!!
For so long, my life has been enshrined with a certain amount of safety... I've been the Children's Ministry Director at my old church (and yes, while there were certainly times of difficulty, it was all safe in the confines of my church)...
Recently, I've made the foray into the "real" world... and it's been quite an adjustment for me... I was (and still am) convinced that God wanted me to get involved with the PTC (read PTA/PTO whatever) at our new school... The principal at our old school said she was asked to give the principal at our new school recommendations and she did.. and my name was the only name she gave.. I prayed about it and here I am, president of the PTC... I know that I'm a natural leader and I've even learned over the years (with lots of errors made) how to be more of a leader and not so bossy (a process I'm still going through each and every day)... But man oh man, has this been a learning experience!! There are 6 distinct women on this board and each of us has our own idea of how things should work... most of the time it is a lot of fun to get to be so involved in what happens at my kids' school, however, like all things, there is a down side... there are disappointments and "things that should be done differently next year" around every corner.. For the most part though, I'm truly enjoying the challenges of PTC..

Another experience I'm going through is being the Cheer Director of our children's sports organization... I'm also Princess Kickapoo's Coach.. I shouldn't be her coach, since I never was a cheerleader (I did Drill Team in High School), however, a coach for her squad never materialized and so many a weekend was spent watching YouTube videos of cheerleading!! ha! The girls on her squad, 6 of them, are awesome!! I absolutely love them and will so very much miss seeing them each week now that cheer is over!!! The part that is right up my alley is the director part... that means paperwork, ensuring that everything is as everything should be, and keeping everything behind the scenes running smoothly.. and I thought that everything was going well, until 10 days ago!!

There was an email sent by someone trying to be helpful and trying to get volunteers (as this is an "all-volunteer" organization)... well, her wording was a bit harsh and then the emails started to fly... then I started getting calls from people complaining about one thing and another and as I was defending the person who sent the original email, I was told, "I don't know why you're defending her when she calls you a b**ch on a regular occasion!" Then another call came in verifying what the previous person had said.. All told, it appears that one particular person didn't like me and she evidently spent some time telling moms exactly how she felt.. many moms have come to me to say that they don't agree with what she said and in fact think I did a great job, but all I can seem to focus on is the one in 24 moms that wasn't happy and that spoke ill of me..

Then today came.. and as much as I tried to avoid the news and any reports of "early polling" the uneasy feeling came into the pit of my stomach as I realized where our nation may very well be in the next few years... I can honestly admit that I think I have been intentionally in denial of the fact that an extremely liberal person is being elected as president!

Between the PTC junk and the cheerleading junk and now the election stuff, I have had a knot in the pit of my stomach for literally 10 days... I was thinking of sending an email out to say that I was taking a vacation.. from life!! I just need some time to re-center myself...

The first words out of Jethro's mouth today as he heard my cries of pain were, "Have you been having your quiet time?" How Prophetic!!! of course my answer was, "No." I guess God uses what He can to get your attention.

In the midst of all my self-centered "feeling sorry for myself" a couple of other things happened.. I got an email from a friend who sent a link to an aquaintances CaringBridge account... This was not my first foray onto their site, but it certainly was enough to get me crying in a good way.. These folks, used to live here, he's a doctor - did Drama Queen's anesthesia when she had her tonsils out- have 3 kids and one of them is in pretty bad shape.. The worst part is they have absolutely no idea of what is wrong with him... They have seen specialists all over the country and he's getting worse... then I got an email today reminding me to go check out their site.. well, a few days ago, this precious 8 year old got baptized!! How awesome is our God!!! Here I am feeling sorry for myself that some random mom doesn't like me (oh my!! the world's at an end!!!) when I read this awesome blog of this wonderful family who is keeping their heads held high in the worst of times... What I want more than anything is to be someone worthy to be called "His"...

I don't know.. I don't know what to say.. what is too much to share and what is enough? who reads my silly blog but my father and me anyway?! I want to be an inspiration (what NOT to do --ha ha!!) and I want to be transparent to show others my failures so that they may be better able to succeed... but I'm feeling pretty low right now.. and pretty unsuccesful in that endeavor...

anyway, to read a truly inspiring and heartbreaking story, check out this blog.. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/grantd... I ask only one thing.. that you'll be praying for them!